Archetypes and Anger

Anger is a much-maligned emotion. When you’re the angry one, everyone else secretly relishes that you are losing control. Left undealt with, anger becomes violence very quickly. Anger is at the center of most political, religious, financial and personal issues.

When we suppress anger, we suppress ourselves. As a society, we are saying that the symptom (anger) needs to be expelled, and therefore, the cause is never analyzed or handled. The experts suggest that anger is really suppressed emotion of another kind: sadness, guilt or fear. These emotions are not as “strong” or may be viewed as weak, and that’s why we transform these deeper feelings into outbursts, addictions, depression (anger turned inward) and so on.

Archetypes can help. Archetypes are the subconscious characters that demand to be heard. They are the collective psyche of us all. These symbols or universal images are often controlling us like puppets. How often have you said, “I don’t know what got into me,” or “I wasn’t myself…” when we explode or act recklessly? That’s where archetype work comes in.

Caroline Myss (bestselling author of “Sacred Contracts”) tells us there are at least four always in play---and we all, as humans, have these in common. She calls them, “The Four Archetypes of Surviving.”

What are these four? The Child, Victim, Prostitute, and Saboteur (self-sabatoge). Can you find these traits in yourself? They ARE there if you're willing to look more closely.

First, the Child. Many of us may be familiar with inner child work. That’s exactly what this archetype teaches us. The message is that we are ALL faking it. Some of us get really, really good at faking being an adult, someone who knows what is going on and is in control. But in the end, when explored more fully, it turns out none of know what is happening or what to do. “I don’t know” become evil words to us. But therein lies our freedom, and therein lies peace. The work of the child is to get to know her. Assure this part of you that you will do your best to protect her, to take care of her.

Next, the Victim. The Victim is an interesting one for most people and a role I played for many years. The word is at once repelling and a relief. It's not our fault! It was our (fill in the blank) that did this to us. I know others throw a pity party, but MY pain is different. And my pain is unique! That makes me special, dammit. So, don't take this pain away by suggesting that ALL of us have a story like this.

We can choose to stay there, stuck in powerlessness (which quickly becomes addiction, codependency, illness and depression—anger turned inward), or we decide that being hurt is part of the deal here, on Planet Earth. NO ONE gets off this ride without some pain. We lean into that reality and decide to continue making something of our lives.

Now, the Prostitute. Oh, my. How do I sell myself? How do I allow myself to be used for money? Yeah...that's there every day as I go to work, for instance. The boss or director is the Pimp. When we aren’t employed, we feel unsettled, unsure of our direction. I want someone to tell me what the plan is, where to go and what to do. The Pimp knows the direction I should take. This Pimp will make sure I'm taken care of: that I will have money, insurance, status, retirement when I'm too old to ‘trick’ anymore.

Whoa. I find I say, "yes, sir" and "okay" when I want to say: You're an idiot who knows NOTHING! (and we call that "being professional.") Oh, yeah. I'm a ‘pro,’ alright.

Lastly, the Saboteur. This one is tricky. Is this just the ego in play? Sometimes we want to crash the car so that we can say at least it was our decision, and we aren't having to hold our breath waiting for it to happen by other means. We come in a little late to work. Perhaps we don’t tell the cashier that she forgot to ring up what was in our under cart. We drive over the speed limit. Or drive with a little too much alcohol in your system. Pay the bills late. Don't get a pap smear....these are all the actions of the Saboteur.

What to do with this info? It's helpful to see that you have these in you, so that you control them vs. the other way around. And when you spot these in others, you understand their presence instead of judging it. You become kinder and gentler with yourself and others when you meet these energies directly.

And much less angry.

Anger and Stress

Whew. The photo above is pretty amazing (www.glideidea.com). I chose it because it really exemplifies how anger can feel.

Anger is perhaps the one and only reason you are on this site, seeking answers to your work stress. Anger is so damaging and so hard to contain that when it occurs it can feel like an entity or a current from out of nowhere. After it subsides, we often are left scratching our heads asking ourselves, "What was THAT about?"

Well, to begin to answer the question of "What was THAT?" I have done years of work on my own anger. I come from a long line of angry people. And it scared me to be raised in that environment, but that didn't keep me from displaying anger as an adult. In fact, I could really see the USE of anger sometimes. I mean, you WILL get some attention in a customer service situation, correct?

But in time, it became too damaging to my own self-image and my relationships in general. I could no longer reconcile my anger and my values. After years of research and training---in reality crafting an entire career in pursuit of the answer to, "How can I control my anger?"---I have found my answer (and share it in the hope that it will be your answer too).

This answer may or may not work for you. But if you give this answer a chance, I believe you will find what I have found:

It really isn't YOU that is angry.

The biggest problem with anger is the self-judgment and judgment from others after an explosion of anger takes place. We judge ourselves in hopes that this will keep it from happening again. And I say "It" quite intentionally.

Anger can feel like something bigger and stronger than us. It feels out of our control. It comes in no matter what types of resolutions and commitments to change we have made, and does what it has always done, much to our dismay.

So what do we do?

The Pain Body

Eckhart Tolle, author of "A New Earth" doesn't so much speak of anger when he describes something he calls "The Pain Body." Eckhart's work describes an accumulation of pain and hurt and negative emotion---accumulated over many years but never consciously integrated into our bodies---that eventually starts to feel (and act) like an independent entity out of your control.

Anger Management Services

As a stress management and communication skills expert, I can provide individual solutions to your anger issues that are guaranteed and completely confidential. I don't intend to add to your stress by charging more than you can afford, so all of my services are on a sliding scale. You and I will determine together, what your fee will be for the following:

Telephone Coaching
Email Coaching
Resume Creation and Interview Coaching
Human Resources Advice/Guidance
Spiritual Reading and Guidance

See my site Work Stress Solutions for details.

Five Steps to Eliminating Anger?

Maybe. Here's an article that swears this process works in just minutes a day and in five days:

From the article: All of us feel anger at times in our lives, and as long as we can acknowledge it and feel it fully, it flows through us and causes no harm. However, when we suppress it, when we hold it in and don’t feel safe expressing that anger, watch out!

Link to article

Back Pain is Repressed Anger

I didn't just make this up. There's a whole movement around this started by Dr. John Starno (Healing Back Pain: The Mind Body Connection).

And I believe it's true, based on my experience with back pain. But let me back up for a minute (pun intended) and tell you how I think my back pain started.

Yoga was a big part of who I was/am. But at my last job, they put another person in my office. Me, the introvert, was working everyday with a very extroverted person in "my" office. And in that office, I would often use part of my lunch hour to pop in a DVD and do a yoga session. Or just roll out the mat when I was stressed and work it out. But I stopped doing that when this happened. Because? I WAS SELF CONSCIOUS. But, what was more true, is I lost that part of myself. To get along. To not be weird. To not make someone else uncomfortable.

I've decided it bothers me that we've used a phrase as powerful as "self conscious" to be a bad thing. I wish we'd known enough as a species to have said instead: ego conscious. I'm conscious of my ego, my fake self, my protective shell, my social face.

Because to be self-conscious should be a good thing. And now we don't have a way to say, "I have awakened to myself. I am self-conscious." This came up for me this morning when I did yoga. I haven't done yoga in probably a year. And just typing that brings tears to my eyes. I'm not sure if my back pain started because of this or not. But back pain happened, and happened in a big way (emergency room visits) and I stopped exercising all together. It's all sort of a swirl to me. But since I left that job, I haven't had a back flare. In fact, I've been gardening and doing home improvement and kept noticing that my back was cooperating instead of stabbing me like before.

So today, I tried yoga again. I put in my favorite DVD. And it was like, "Wow...welcome home, baby...where have you been?" I felt self-conscious (in the best possible way) as I went through the familiar and beloved movements of my body. I was still a little scared, but I completed the entire session. And it felt wonderful. We'll see what happens tonight. Will I have a flare? Or am I self-conscious enough of my anger issues that I don't need this "reminder"?

Anger Stems From An Untrue Thought

You have read this truth either here or somewhere else. But that's easy to SAY, but what does it really mean and how do you do it?

This is a free PDF from DropBox (you do not have to register to read this, just select "No Thanks" below the registration box), that has the answer you need. It says it's the answer to enlightenment, but that's the same thing. Enlightenment or spiritual awakening is really just identifying the man-made ego (formed by thought) and putting it in its rightful place--instead of it being in control.

Here's the link.

Goal: Never Express Anger

Dr. Robert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Therapy (a pre-cursor to Byron Katie's 'The Work') found that if we EXPRESS anger we actually increase the likelihood of being angry in the future. The anger response is so physically stimulating that it programs the brain to want MORE, not less anger.

We've been told as a society that it isn't okay to NOT express anger or we will have heart attacks or get ulcers or have a stroke and so on. But his research found the opposite: that to express it is to create a reactionary set of biological circumstances that will tug at you to be reactivated again. What that means is you will be unconsciously LOOKING for things to get upset about...to feed these new pathways caused by adrenaline to survive. You get into a cycle that is harder and harder to break.

From one journal:

Anger can sabotage or inhibit you from achieving your goals
(a) Can’t solve problem: Anger acts as camouflage
(b) Gets misdirected at others
(c) Results in depression & anxiety
(d) Takes the form of self-criticism
(e) Creates tension in relationships

Another observation from Ellis that may shift your view of WHY you are expressing anger:

Anger Expression as a Way to Control Others – Much like temper tantrums in children, adult tantrums that accompany anger are performed with the intent to manipulate others into behaving accordingly, with or without the conscious awareness of the angry aggressor. While it may benefit the person in the short-term (and thus reinforcing the probability of more tantrums occurring in the future), anger tantrums inevitably will have negative consequences.

Egocentric Entitlement – This is a strongly held belief that one is deserving of fair treatment by other people, society, life, or the universe. However, much like self-righteousness, the belief is so strongly held that the notion of fairness only applies to oneself at the expense of the fair treatment of others. In some instances, anger may arise when we see ourselves deprived from the “privileges” the universe has given others, driving anger towards others, the universe, and even ourselves.

Visit Stephanie's website at http://www.work-stress-solutions.com