Bertrand Russell on Anger

The Collective Unconscious and Stress

After three decades in human resources, I have discovered that everyone understands on some level the need for digging deeper into our psyches to realize how we are blocking our own goals and what we can do to take personal responsibility for the issues we are facing. This ultimately becomes a feeling of taking control--or empowerment--and it involves looking at the collective unconscious (a term coined by Carl Jung---the creator of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or MBTI). The collective unconscious can be accessed in many ways (dream interpretation is one such way). It can also be accessed through tarot.

The tarot offers a gentle understanding of these obstacles and how to remove them. We are often unable to face what we are doing to "get in our own way" when we are troubled, and the tarot can act as the catalyst to this form of self-sabotage.

I have spent decades honing my skills for reading the tarot while simultaneously educating myself on workplace communications training and qualifying for multiple certifications for world-renowned instruments (i.e., MBTI, emotional intelligence, 'The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People' and so on). My clients find that this unique combination results in significant changes in behavior and favorable results in their workplaces and personal lives.

To prep yourself for this form of self-discovery, I suggest reading an article I wrote for EZINE ARTICLES that offers additional information about what tarot is, what it can do for you, or even to show someone in your life who may be skeptical about this information. EzineArticles (entitled "Tarot is Totally Normal").

If you would like to explore what a tarot reading would be like (or to start a tarot conversation), please let me know by sending an email to stephanie@work-stress-solutions.com. We will determine together if a tarot reading will help in your situation (from there I will send you a simple link to PayPal to use their process or use your credit card for $25. This will provide for unlimited access to me to resolve your situation). Please put in the subject line TAROT so that I can differentiate between your request and spam.

Your communication via email will begin the process for an extended, confidential one-on-one reading where we can delve deeply into questions that are currently eluding an answer for you. We will look at obstacles and blocks that YOU can remove...to ensure that you realize a stress-free situation, healthy relationships and a happier disposition. Email (or Facebook Chat/Messenger) also gives you a written record of our conversation so that you can review the comments and your progress later.


http://www.work-stress-solutions.com/spiritual_guidance.html

Archetypes and Anger

Anger is a much-maligned emotion. When you’re the angry one, everyone else secretly relishes that you are losing control. Left undealt with, anger becomes violence very quickly. Anger is at the center of most political, religious, financial and personal issues.

When we suppress anger, we suppress ourselves. As a society, we are saying that the symptom (anger) needs to be expelled, and therefore, the cause is never analyzed or handled. The experts suggest that anger is really suppressed emotion of another kind: sadness, guilt or fear. These emotions are not as “strong” or may be viewed as weak, and that’s why we transform these deeper feelings into outbursts, addictions, depression (anger turned inward) and so on.

Archetypes can help. Archetypes are the subconscious characters that demand to be heard. They are the collective psyche of us all. These symbols or universal images are often controlling us like puppets. How often have you said, “I don’t know what got into me,” or “I wasn’t myself…” when we explode or act recklessly? That’s where archetype work comes in.

Caroline Myss (bestselling author of “Sacred Contracts”) tells us there are at least four always in play---and we all, as humans, have these in common. She calls them, “The Four Archetypes of Surviving.”

What are these four? The Child, Victim, Prostitute, and Saboteur (self-sabatoge). Can you find these traits in yourself? They ARE there if you're willing to look more closely.

First, the Child. Many of us may be familiar with inner child work. That’s exactly what this archetype teaches us. The message is that we are ALL faking it. Some of us get really, really good at faking being an adult, someone who knows what is going on and is in control. But in the end, when explored more fully, it turns out none of know what is happening or what to do. “I don’t know” become evil words to us. But therein lies our freedom, and therein lies peace. The work of the child is to get to know her. Assure this part of you that you will do your best to protect her, to take care of her.

Next, the Victim. The Victim is an interesting one for most people and a role I played for many years. The word is at once repelling and a relief. It's not our fault! It was our (fill in the blank) that did this to us. I know others throw a pity party, but MY pain is different. And my pain is unique! That makes me special, dammit. So, don't take this pain away by suggesting that ALL of us have a story like this.

We can choose to stay there, stuck in powerlessness (which quickly becomes addiction, codependency, illness and depression—anger turned inward), or we decide that being hurt is part of the deal here, on Planet Earth. NO ONE gets off this ride without some pain. We lean into that reality and decide to continue making something of our lives.

Now, the Prostitute. Oh, my. How do I sell myself? How do I allow myself to be used for money? Yeah...that's there every day as I go to work, for instance. The boss or director is the Pimp. When we aren’t employed, we feel unsettled, unsure of our direction. I want someone to tell me what the plan is, where to go and what to do. The Pimp knows the direction I should take. This Pimp will make sure I'm taken care of: that I will have money, insurance, status, retirement when I'm too old to ‘trick’ anymore.

Whoa. I find I say, "yes, sir" and "okay" when I want to say: You're an idiot who knows NOTHING! (and we call that "being professional.") Oh, yeah. I'm a ‘pro,’ alright.

Lastly, the Saboteur. This one is tricky. Is this just the ego in play? Sometimes we want to crash the car so that we can say at least it was our decision, and we aren't having to hold our breath waiting for it to happen by other means. We come in a little late to work. Perhaps we don’t tell the cashier that she forgot to ring up what was in our under cart. We drive over the speed limit. Or drive with a little too much alcohol in your system. Pay the bills late. Don't get a pap smear....these are all the actions of the Saboteur.

What to do with this info? It's helpful to see that you have these in you, so that you control them vs. the other way around. And when you spot these in others, you understand their presence instead of judging it. You become kinder and gentler with yourself and others when you meet these energies directly.

And much less angry.

Anger and Stress

Whew. The photo above is pretty amazing (www.glideidea.com). I chose it because it really exemplifies how anger can feel.

Anger is perhaps the one and only reason you are on this site, seeking answers to your work stress. Anger is so damaging and so hard to contain that when it occurs it can feel like an entity or a current from out of nowhere. After it subsides, we often are left scratching our heads asking ourselves, "What was THAT about?"

Well, to begin to answer the question of "What was THAT?" I have done years of work on my own anger. I come from a long line of angry people. And it scared me to be raised in that environment, but that didn't keep me from displaying anger as an adult. In fact, I could really see the USE of anger sometimes. I mean, you WILL get some attention in a customer service situation, correct?

But in time, it became too damaging to my own self-image and my relationships in general. I could no longer reconcile my anger and my values. After years of research and training---in reality crafting an entire career in pursuit of the answer to, "How can I control my anger?"---I have found my answer (and share it in the hope that it will be your answer too).

This answer may or may not work for you. But if you give this answer a chance, I believe you will find what I have found:

It really isn't YOU that is angry.

The biggest problem with anger is the self-judgment and judgment from others after an explosion of anger takes place. We judge ourselves in hopes that this will keep it from happening again. And I say "It" quite intentionally.

Anger can feel like something bigger and stronger than us. It feels out of our control. It comes in no matter what types of resolutions and commitments to change we have made, and does what it has always done, much to our dismay.

So what do we do?

The Pain Body

Eckhart Tolle, author of "A New Earth" doesn't so much speak of anger when he describes something he calls "The Pain Body." Eckhart's work describes an accumulation of pain and hurt and negative emotion---accumulated over many years but never consciously integrated into our bodies---that eventually starts to feel (and act) like an independent entity out of your control.

Anger Management Services

As a stress management and communication skills expert, I can provide individual solutions to your anger issues that are guaranteed and completely confidential. I don't intend to add to your stress by charging more than you can afford, so all of my services are on a sliding scale. You and I will determine together, what your fee will be for the following:

Telephone Coaching
Email Coaching
Resume Creation and Interview Coaching
Human Resources Advice/Guidance
Spiritual Reading and Guidance

See my site Work Stress Solutions for details.

Five Steps to Eliminating Anger?

Maybe. Here's an article that swears this process works in just minutes a day and in five days:

From the article: All of us feel anger at times in our lives, and as long as we can acknowledge it and feel it fully, it flows through us and causes no harm. However, when we suppress it, when we hold it in and don’t feel safe expressing that anger, watch out!

Link to article

Back Pain is Repressed Anger

I didn't just make this up. There's a whole movement around this started by Dr. John Starno (Healing Back Pain: The Mind Body Connection).

And I believe it's true, based on my experience with back pain. But let me back up for a minute (pun intended) and tell you how I think my back pain started.

Yoga was a big part of who I was/am. But at my last job, they put another person in my office. Me, the introvert, was working everyday with a very extroverted person in "my" office. And in that office, I would often use part of my lunch hour to pop in a DVD and do a yoga session. Or just roll out the mat when I was stressed and work it out. But I stopped doing that when this happened. Because? I WAS SELF CONSCIOUS. But, what was more true, is I lost that part of myself. To get along. To not be weird. To not make someone else uncomfortable.

I've decided it bothers me that we've used a phrase as powerful as "self conscious" to be a bad thing. I wish we'd known enough as a species to have said instead: ego conscious. I'm conscious of my ego, my fake self, my protective shell, my social face.

Because to be self-conscious should be a good thing. And now we don't have a way to say, "I have awakened to myself. I am self-conscious." This came up for me this morning when I did yoga. I haven't done yoga in probably a year. And just typing that brings tears to my eyes. I'm not sure if my back pain started because of this or not. But back pain happened, and happened in a big way (emergency room visits) and I stopped exercising all together. It's all sort of a swirl to me. But since I left that job, I haven't had a back flare. In fact, I've been gardening and doing home improvement and kept noticing that my back was cooperating instead of stabbing me like before.

So today, I tried yoga again. I put in my favorite DVD. And it was like, "Wow...welcome home, baby...where have you been?" I felt self-conscious (in the best possible way) as I went through the familiar and beloved movements of my body. I was still a little scared, but I completed the entire session. And it felt wonderful. We'll see what happens tonight. Will I have a flare? Or am I self-conscious enough of my anger issues that I don't need this "reminder"?

Anger Stems From An Untrue Thought

You have read this truth either here or somewhere else. But that's easy to SAY, but what does it really mean and how do you do it?

This is a free PDF from DropBox (you do not have to register to read this, just select "No Thanks" below the registration box), that has the answer you need. It says it's the answer to enlightenment, but that's the same thing. Enlightenment or spiritual awakening is really just identifying the man-made ego (formed by thought) and putting it in its rightful place--instead of it being in control.

Here's the link.

Goal: Never Express Anger

Dr. Robert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Therapy (a pre-cursor to Byron Katie's 'The Work') found that if we EXPRESS anger we actually increase the likelihood of being angry in the future. The anger response is so physically stimulating that it programs the brain to want MORE, not less anger.

We've been told as a society that it isn't okay to NOT express anger or we will have heart attacks or get ulcers or have a stroke and so on. But his research found the opposite: that to express it is to create a reactionary set of biological circumstances that will tug at you to be reactivated again. What that means is you will be unconsciously LOOKING for things to get upset about...to feed these new pathways caused by adrenaline to survive. You get into a cycle that is harder and harder to break.

From one journal:

Anger can sabotage or inhibit you from achieving your goals
(a) Can’t solve problem: Anger acts as camouflage
(b) Gets misdirected at others
(c) Results in depression & anxiety
(d) Takes the form of self-criticism
(e) Creates tension in relationships

Another observation from Ellis that may shift your view of WHY you are expressing anger:

Anger Expression as a Way to Control Others – Much like temper tantrums in children, adult tantrums that accompany anger are performed with the intent to manipulate others into behaving accordingly, with or without the conscious awareness of the angry aggressor. While it may benefit the person in the short-term (and thus reinforcing the probability of more tantrums occurring in the future), anger tantrums inevitably will have negative consequences.

Egocentric Entitlement – This is a strongly held belief that one is deserving of fair treatment by other people, society, life, or the universe. However, much like self-righteousness, the belief is so strongly held that the notion of fairness only applies to oneself at the expense of the fair treatment of others. In some instances, anger may arise when we see ourselves deprived from the “privileges” the universe has given others, driving anger towards others, the universe, and even ourselves.

Visit Stephanie's website at http://www.work-stress-solutions.com

Three Week Cycles: Break the Anger Pattern

Another thing to be aware of is that the Adult Children of Alcoholics community cautions against the three week cycle or tension point. This is the amount of time most active alcoholics could resist their addiction until they created something to blow up at that allowed them the right to go out and binge. I find it interesting that this is concurrent with menstrual cycles as well. But be aware that your family may have had cycles of uproar and upset even if there was no drinking involved based on generations of this phenomenon. And your anger may follow a similar cycling.

The idea is to break that cycle. To see it. To sit in it. To not let these old habits of yore drive our response. Easier said than done...agreed. Perhaps a spoken agreement with a loved one to check whether this is happening in your household and to hold off on action until the time has passed is a good idea. Charting on a calendar can also bring some awareness around this pattern.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Anger

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Anger (Transcribed from a Benjamin Smythe Video)

There is healthy and unhealthy anger. Healthy anger is just setting boundaries. Every organism on the planet is trying to get its needs met and sometimes it uses you to do that---with or without your permission.

And so anger is a way to say, “You need my permission, to come any further.” Anger is what keeps us from being doormats, it’s what keeps us from lying to ourselves. It keeps us from taking something that we truly value, whether it’s a skill or a talent, or a perspective, and protecting it---from the reality that, the organism is set up in some ways to try to get everything for free, and leave behind what it doesn’t want.

And it’s innocent. [We all do it/have done it]. It’s a life without really knowing how to set boundaries (so anger can be very useful for that).

I worked with a man who said, “When you stop seeking approval, you’re going to feel like an asshole. “ Because the anger is how you protect yourself against cheating yourself. Let’s say you’re going around in your life, you’re saying no when you mean yes and yes when you mean no, you’re not telling anyone the truth---you’re hoping for approval---and you’re going along and going along and so you’ve lost trust in yourself.

And at some point, it’s so miserable that you go, “F--- this! I’m going to do what I NEED to DO and I’m going to keep EVERYBODY out!!!” And at first, that’s a very necessary thing. Because you’ve been lying so badly, the anger is actually the LOVE being firm (which is very different from violence, it’s literally just setting a boundary: “I’m not. No, no , no.” ). [Said] when you mean ‘no’ and ‘yes’ when you mean ‘yes.’

And over time that anger is not necessary as you begin to trust yourself.

So when you stop seeking approval, if that’s something that you’re personally working on, you may feel like….a jerk. Because that anger has to be expressed, otherwise, you don’t have the tools yet to truly trust that you will be LOVED if you tell the truth.

The unhealthy side of anger….

…is that it’s self-hate. So you are angry at yourself and then you turn it outwards (I worked with another man, who would say, “If I’m going to suffer, than so are you.” Basically, if you hate yourself, than that’s all you have to offer. And if you love yourself, than that’s all you have to offer.

And so, freedom and peace and liberation and all of that, can only happen when you love yourself. Because that love is absolutely necessary to carry you through the various stages of self-annihilation (which happen when you are actually seeking enlightenment). So if you love yourself, and here comes an incredible amount of terror, [to say to yourself], “It’s okay, homey, it’s okay. Just trust. I love you. Just trust” will become very, very useful---it’s like an ally.

So a HEALTHY ego can awaken. An unhealthy ego can’t get anywhere near awakening, because it is still healing its wound---caused by not loving itself, caused by believing the conditioning from society (friends, family, church) caused by being its own enemy. So, first, HEAL—heal the relationship you have with yourself if you haven’t already. [One example would be to say to yourself], “It’s okay, it’s okay. We’re doing our best. It’s okay. We’ve been doing our best the whole time. Sometimes we didn’t know. Sometimes we didn’t pay attention. It’s okay.”

So, loving the face in the mirror. Loving that entire ‘character’ that you would call ‘your name’. When ‘that’ is completely loved THEN…then you can seek. Then you can sit and simply listen. And the layers will fall away.

The healthy anger is protection so that that love can happen. And unhealthy anger is terrified of loving, really--- I mean, terrified of loving.

If someone came into your house and tried to [harm] your family, it wouldn’t be wrong to defend yourself; to defend what you care about, to defend what you love (as best you can). If you have to hurt them to stop them from hurting your family, then ideally you do that in a way that leaves them still alive, and unable to hurt you.

There are thoughts---simply from the ‘web of the world’, from beliefs of antiquity, from schoolteachers and parents and friends and books and thousands of years of self-hate momentum---these thoughts have been believed (perhaps…or perhaps you’ve already cleared them all out…perhaps you never had them; that’s also an option). Bu if you believe these thoughts, then this anger is no different than protecting your from someone coming in and trying to hurt them. Because thoughts are a ‘virus’---there is nothing wrong with you. You were not born imperfect. The Christians, the Jews and anyone who believes in sin is not telling the truth. That is an entire system of self-hate, made into an incredible organization.
There.Is.Nothing.Wrong.With.You. Nothing. And if feels like there is, it’s just because you’ve believed all of this self-hate-conditioning.

So the anger is protection from all of that noise and all of those voices.

This is why if you look in the mirror and say, “I love you” to the face you see, and then perhaps you get what I got when I did it “F--- you!” and all of this stuff. And it’s an amazing experience because THAT’s the ‘robber’ who has broken through the door trying to get at the family.

And what’s amazing, what’s even better than that, is that you can actually just turn [your perspective] and ‘see’ all of that: all of that conditioning and all of that learning and self-critical judgments. Everything you believed when someone called you a ‘dumbass’ or a ‘sinner’ or said ‘something’s wrong with you’ and you see it and you realize you’re listening to it [this force of conditioning]! So if you’re listening to it, it’s not YOU.

And then…you can love it. Because you can hear that it’s just mistaken identity. And you love each piece, each thing, each belief that is heavy in your heart; each piece that is trapping and binding you in fear.

There is nothing wrong with you. There never was.

But this process is not like something that is [immediate]. It’s a process, it takes effort, it takes courage. TO love yourself and to sit still and LISTEN.

Because until you love yourself you have nothing to offer the world except need. Nothing. Because everything you do is simply trying to get a need met from the outside. And the need can only be met on the inside. When it is [met], then there is creativity and inspiration and energy and patience and compassion and just so much is available---to share with others.

How to Handle Conflict/Anger in ANY Relationship

Prince EA does it again. Simple truth (and even a nod to Byron Katie!):

If You Don’t Have this Skill, Your Relationships Will Fail.

Posted by Prince Ea on Monday, October 19, 2015

How to Control Your Mind (and Your Anger)

Prince EA says it better than I can. Please give this great video a quick look:

How To STOP Negative/Stressful Thinking Once and For All.This is A Must See!!

Posted by Prince Ea on Monday, October 26, 2015

See more vids on my website Work Stress Solutions.Com

What's the Matter With Anger?

Since this is my blog, I'd like to use this post to discuss how I REALLY feel about anger. Instead of trying to find a remedy for it, I'd like to ask: What's wrong with it in the first place? I lose my temper, and then I'm me again. I didn't kill anyone, I didn't even hit anyone, so why do so many people tend to avoid me or drop away completely when I get angry?

They don't do that when I cry. They don't do that when I sulk. So what is it that makes us repel with anger? Why do we judge it so harshly? Is it conditioning from our childhood? Were we punished more harshly when we responded in this way?

I'd like to make anger acceptable. Especially in women. It seems to me that a man is defined as strong or assertive when angered and a woman is called one word: Bitch.

Sit In It

There's a little known work called The Presence Process. It's a program developed by Michael Brown after battling with a chronic pain disorder that he claims allowed his body and mind to heal itself. It simply teaches you to SIT in your feelings. When you feel sad, angry, thrilled sit quietly, let it absorb your body and feel it fully. Without agenda, without expectation, let the feelings consume you. They WILL dissipate. It's counterintuitive, but it works.


Most of us resist our feelings, try to replace them with "better" ones or drive them away (temporarily) with substances. This doesn't work, at least not for long. The Presence Process DOES work however.


You can buy the book and work the ten-week program, but I simply invite you try finding a quiet place to sit and breathe and let feeling percolate up and observe the sensation in the body. It won't kill you, in fact in will make you stronger.

Expressing Your Anger Doesn't Eliminate Your Anger

According to Dr. Albert Ellis, just the opposite. In expressing our anger, we flare our nervous system and create neurotransmitters and adrenaline receptors that, later, beg to be fed. In other words, they want you to get angry again so they can live.

Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy, a fancy term for changing your thoughts, is Dr. Ellis' solution. Here's more:

REBT is an action-oriented approach to managing cognitive, emotional, and behavioral disturbances.

According to REBT, it is largely our thinking about events that leads to emotional and behavioral upset. With an emphasis on the present, individuals are taught how to examine and challenge their unhelpful thinking which creates unhealthy emotions and self-defeating/self-sabotaging behaviors.

REBT is a practical approach to assist individuals in coping with and overcoming adversity as well as achieving goals. REBT places a good deal of its focus on the present. REBT addresses attitudes, unhealthy emotions (e.g., unhealthy anger, depression, anxiety, guilt, etc.) and maladaptive behaviors (e.g., procrastination, addictive behaviors, aggression, unhealthy eating, sleep disturbance, etc.) that can negatively impact life satisfaction. REBT practitioners work closely with individuals, seeking to help identify their individual set of beliefs (attitudes, expectations and personal rules) that frequently lead to emotional distress.

REBT then provides a variety of methods to help people reformulate their dysfunctional beliefs into more sensible, realistic and helpful ones by employing the powerful REBT technique called “disputing.” Ultimately, REBT helps individuals to develop a philosophy and approach to living that can increase their effectiveness and satisfaction at work, in living successfully with others, in parenting and educational settings, in making our community and environment healthier, and in enhancing their own emotional health and personal welfare.

I'll provide the HOW later. If you'd like to explore this on your own, click here.

It Wasn't Supposed To Be This Way!

Anger can also come from a feeling of injustice. A feeling that something isn't fair or should be a different way than it is. Romance is supposed to make us happy. People shouldn't be starving. Hard work should be rewarded. The good guys are supposed to win.

These are the things we've been taught in our culture. And like it or not, they don't always come true. In fact, they OFTEN don't come true. It would be a better use of our time and effort to invest in the plan for when they don't work out, then to bang our head in frustration, against the Societal Brick Wall of Justice.

How will you handle it when the promise from elders and society doesn't happen for you?

Anger is not action. Anger is not progress. Very often, we see it as energy or energetic. But it is not the same as picking up the pieces. Or having a plan for change. Or even starting a small protest on the Capital Steps. Don't confuse anger with activity or might. Your entire life could be consumed with this falsehood. And nothing will change at all.

Anger is Fear (or Sadness/Grief/Loss)

I like to play with this notion that all anger is really fear (and/or the impending result of what you feared came to pass and now you are sad). It was first brought to my attention through a study that is viewable on the American Psychological Association website. I often track my own anger to its root and see that it is always fear (even though at first, I don't believe that at all).

So, if the people before you are fearful (when they lose their temper, give you the silent treatment, etc), how can we ask them what they are afraid of instead of judging them for presenting "anger" instead. They are presenting anger to us as a form of self-protection; to keep their dignity and self-esteem in place in an unsafe situation. Can't blame them for that! I'd be worried about someone who DIDN'T do this when faced with such a vulnerable reality.

Anger is fear. But we can't SAY that to people. They'll only become more fearful (and this will be presented as more anger). We need words we can use to pose questions that will get to the root---the truth---of what is happening for people when anger is present.

"I know from past conversations with others at your level, Director, that not getting the budget you expected can be a blow. You may be imagining how your employees will react when they hear the news. Or you may be wondering how you will provide the same level of quality and service on fewer dollars. Here is why the money is less this year (insert reason). I am wondering if we can take a look at what you can cut to make up for this difference. I'd be happy to help you with this analysis."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I would get this picture in my head when I was trying out for cheerleading at your age of what would happen, how would I respond or act, if I didn't make it? I am thinking you have similar pictures in your head when you are trying out for football and it may worry you. What could be some things you could say if you don't make the team that would sort of deflect that embarrassing moment, should it come to pass? Something funny or light would work, wouldn't it?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The silent treatment may seem like the calmer, kinder response...but when I can't hear what you are thinking, I have no way to respond to try and make things better. Would you consider telling me what you are thinking right now?"



Sit down and craft an opening statement that does NOT make the person seem weak, wrong or even impartially informed. Find a way to interject your own experience with the same or similar situation. Then start a conversation with this person when things are a little calmer and SHUT UP after offering the opening statement. Don't try to change their mind. Don't try to persuade them to see they are wrong or off-base or that you aren't the one they should be mad at. Just be quiet and wait for the reply. See it as peeling back layers of an onion.

If they are scared, you have the advantage. You literally have the biological advantage because your brain hasn't moved into the "reptile" mode that anger causes. Be the rational one instead of getting scared yourself and leaping to their angry state in defense.

The Body's Role In Anger

Like it or not (I vote for 'not'), we are all in bodies. These vessels move us from place to place and there is a maintenance required that can be tiring, expensive or even problematic. Namely: sleeping, eating, exercise and regular physician visits. The body is also used for adornment, pleasure seeking, violence, nurturing and other human endeavors beyond just the movement of parts to the next location.

Vanity and pain are about the body. And the first is mentioned, because I used vanity for a very long time to care for my body. I didn't really care about longevity or cardiovascular fitness in my 20s and 30s, I just wanted to look cute in a bathing suit. But the eating and exercise required to keep my body in bathing-suit-form was actually a recipe for health as well. When I limited my intake of things like alcohol, fast food, caffeine, sugar and other "thrill inducers," my body got leaner.

Recently, I decided I don't care about that anymore. And I started to "fall off the wagon" with regard to eating right and exercise. I didn't care if I had a little belly or some extra bottom. But, what started to happen was skeletal issues, back pain so intense I'd liken it to labor pains. I'm not sure if it was the more sedentary lifestyle, but right when I thought I could stop the disciplined routine, my body had other ideas. And now I have pain, instead of vanity, to keep me in check with three things: food, exercise and STRESS or ANGER.

When I get stressed, I know from my research that my body starts a process where it starts taking large amounts of stored nutrients to deal with the external "threat." Even if that threat is just a few snarky emails back and forth between a coworker and myself. I can feel my lower back seize during these times, and as much as I hate my "back flares", they are serving as a reminder that if I don't want 24 hours of excruciating pain, I better chill and do it quickly and genuinely.

In addition, the chemicals released into my bloodstream during these episodes will continue to read as "false positives" until they are flushed from my system through water, perspiration and respiration. In the meantime, the chemicals are telling my brain, 'Beware! Be nervous! Be tense!" It's a bit of a vicious circle.

I offer this to you today, as a possible way to keep yourself in check with anger and the physical ramifications it has on the body. Many are unseen by us, but our physicians report them to us (diabetes from comfort eating, alcohol abuse, cigarettes, high blood pressure and so on). Perhaps I am lucky (though it sure doesn't seem that way to me), that I have such a high consequence to pay for stress and anger that I am currently not willing to "go there" for much these days.

I just can't stand the pain.

Hard is Easier, Easy Never Ends

With a few foundational posts about the nature of anger, it may be time to move to what I would call "the work" or the way to pull up causal roots of the chosen response of anger. The remedy, like many of Life's truths, is a paradox. Instead of resisting anger, using willpower, or avoiding it through distraction techniques (affirmations, meditation and so on), you are to purposely sit in your anger (or any of the actual feelings that are at the center of anger, namely fear and sadness).

The work, is to sit for about ten minutes a day (you can work up to this), and purposely have your angry thoughts. You would look for fear and sadness, not push it away. And once you are feeling these emotions, you let them wash over your entire being. You allow the energy to fully exist. You won't really DO anything. You show yourself---and your nervous system---that the best way to get rid of an emotion, is to let it be fully expressed. Therein lies the paradox.

Now, you don't go in with this agenda. That's where the work comes in. You must allow this feeling to enter and be fully realized, seeing at the end that you are not only not dead, but not even stressed. In fact, you feel better. But if you go into this sitting with that expectation, than the expectation becomes the sensation, and you'll make no progress. Sorry about that, but that's how those darn Universal Truths tend to be.

Anger will not harm you. Nor will fear or sadness. The suppression of these may, however! Prove that to yourself. Do it now. Remember reading about it isn't the same as doing it. You'll stay stuck forever if that's all you do here.

So in conclusion, you aren't trying to feel better. You're trying to get better at feeling.

Got it?